Layers

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

This is my all time favorite verse. Every time I read it, I'm reminded of how God is working in my life, and I'm able to see how He's really led me in the past. I first read this verse the summer before my junior year of high school. I had challenged myself to read my way through Proverbs. While this may not seem to be much of a challenge, my scatterbrained personality and problems with consistency would argue with you. Diving into God's Word has always been something I'm all about for maybe two weeks, and then the buzz wears off and I'm back to normal. Luckily, I was driven enough to complete my goal.

When I first came across this verse, I wrote it down in my journal. I liked how simplistic it was, very straight forward. It makes sense, even when you first read it... Which I think we all can agree is impressive coming from a book that usually inspires obscure fortunes in cookies. I liked how everything the verse meant was understood right away. Or, at least, I thought so.

The beginning of my junior year was a tough one. My dad had been diagnosed with Melanoma, the most dangerous form of skin cancer. Those few months were a hard time for my family, because we had to learn to trust God and to be content with whatever the outcome happened to be. My dad means absolutely everything to me, and I have more respect for him than pretty much anyone. So you can imagine my reaction to this new intruder in my family- I wanted it GONE.

Over a month or two and after several doctor appointments, dad's cancer was removed and he was in remission. God really showed me what faith looks like. And that verse still came to mind, only this time it meant even more to me than it had. I saw how God has a way of making sure we realize He's in control, always.

The end of senior year came, and I had been accepted to the University of Arkansas. I was absolutely thrilled- I was graduating top ten percent of my class, I'd earned scholarships, I was going to my dream school, and I had God on my side. This verse was a constant reminder that God had a plan for me, and I still have no doubt in my mind that attending U of A was part of it.

Last fall, around October, I discovered that I wouldn't be able to continue attending U of A due to financial issues. My heart broke. I've never been so disappointed and angry. Just when I thought everything was going right, things changed. And so did my interpretation of this verse.

Before this verse had been a reminder that God was in control, and that He had greater plans for us than we could imagine. But now it means something even more; another layer has been added. I understand that God isn't always going to let us have our way. And honestly, I'm okay with that now. God is amazing when it comes to making plans... He always knows what to expect.

 If I didn't know this verse, and if I hadn't seen that God's plan won't always be mine, I would be in such a deep state of depression... it scares me to even think about. Between my faith and my supportive family, I came back to the positive person I'm used to being, and God showed me how I much I had grown in just a few months.

I thank God everyday for my experience at U of A. I made lifelong friends, had amazing experiences, and through it all I learned and grew in Christ. I know I've still got a lot to learn, but I also know that God will be with me every step of the way.